You know one of those days when you wake up early on a Saturday, get your run done, and become very excited about the prospects of a big night ahead. You get out of the shower and catch a glimpse of yourself at the right angle in the mirror and think hmm...I almost look normal size. You are feeling real good in your favorite outfit, ready to fire it up. The night begins at a local bar with your skinny friends. They start ordering pitchers of IPA’s, extra large wings, and cheese tots with chili. It’s boys’ night and you think “Hey, it's OK if I cheat and let loose a bit.” You start tearing up some wings, taking down beers, and popping some tots.
Everyone is having a great time eating, laughing, and giving well deserved high fives. Then it happens: the moment of the night when you realize how much you hate your skinny friends. As you have wing sauce on your face, and pouring your 10th beer, one of these bastards will say something like, “I really shouldn’t be eating all of this. I haven’t worked out all week, and I'm getting fat”. This is when you go into a tail spin. You start thinking about all the miles you ran, and turkey burgers you had with no bun (I’m lying, I always have the freaking bun). They always say it with a big smile on their skinny face, which lets the rage inside of you burn even more. Skinny people, before you think about saying such offensive statements while this fat boy is cleaning the meat off a chicken bone, please don’t.
We get it, you don’t have to workout, and eat right to fit into your favorite little league shirt that you have worn since the 6th grade. Just let me know how pretty I am when I have that look of heartburn on my face, and we will be fine. This will avoid giving me yet another reason to hate all my skinny friends.