Let me set a new scenario for you fine folks today. You are taking a day trip to the beach with all your skinny friends. This seems like a good idea until the day actually comes. The morning always starts with you outside your building waiting to be picked up. For the last 3 days you have been texting with the group about where everyone is going to be sitting during the car ride.You have declared that a window seat in the back is what you desire and everyone agrees. That is until your skinny friends pull up with the front seat empty and wait for you to get in. It's like they all had a skinny people only chat the night before and decided to put the big boy in the front. Instead of saying something like, “Dude, we are going to sit you in front just to give everyone more space,” they had a secret meeting and decided this is where you are going to sit. Just the thought of them having a skinny pow wow to discuss car seating boils my blood. However, you don’t want to ruin the day, so you smile and sit your fat behind in the front seat.
On the way to the beach everyone picks up sandwiches for lunch. The skinny squad has been moaning about how hungry they are and need food badly. You get to the beach, and everyone starts eating sandwiches. But, is everyone really eating? I mean I just had to listen to you bitch about how hungry you were for 3 hours in the car, and now YOU ONLY EAT TWO BITES. This is when you turn to one of your annoying skinny friends, and say “Hey … I thought you said you were hungry?” In turn they reply “Oh my god did you see how BIG those sandwiches are?” No, I don’t see how big they are! Those are regular sandwiches! Now I can only eat half because I don't want to be the fat guy at the beach that finished his whole damn sandwich!
When you think the worst of it is over, the sandwiches have been put away and saved for “later,” the main moment occurs that makes you realize how much you really hate your skinny friends. Everyone gets into bathing suits to model their perfect bodies, and you feel like burying yourself in the sand. Without fail one of these skinny bastards smacks their perfectly flat stomach and goes “Damn, I'm getting fat.” This is when the wires in your brain start to snap, and you start fantasizing about a shark eating this motherfucker. At least then I know the shark would finish his lunch, which makes me very happy!